6/12/22 – 6/17/22

Some days are better than others. Depression is complex. My mind has a bunch of neurons that trigger sadness and feelings of doom, where normal folks would not. I can be looking at something as beautiful as an aqua blue bay in the Sea of Cortez that invokes joy in most, yet my mind will think about the reasons as to why I am here alone. Feelings of regret start churning. Anxiety begins to takeover. I don’t like sitting with myself. My mind feels like a young child’s crayon doodle – the ones that look like multi-colored spaghetti pasta has been dropped onto a page.

For me, the best cure for my depressive thoughts is exercise. I feed off of it. It centers me and calms my mind. I know that when I work out I am making a commitment to the present moment and the future. I am making myself better. I am becoming stronger and smarter. Scientific studies verify that resistance weight training is one of the best things to cure depression, and it’s essentially a fountain of youth. I don’t know why more people aren’t at the gym… Maybe cause it’s hard. I get it. I don’t like doing hard things sometimes. For instance, sometimes I don’t get things out of my saddlebags, because I feel that it’s too much work to unbuckle and unfold them to get at their inner contents. Does that mean I am lazy? Probably.

I am looking at the Bahia de Concepcion. This is the bay that I mentioned above, which triggered thoughts of loneliness and anxiety. The bay doesn’t have any waves, just small undulating ripples. The Sea of Cortez is so calm and inviting. I went for a swim in the bay and it was idyllic. It’s the perfect temperature: refreshing, not cold.

I can see islands covered in bird shit off in the distance. The islands are completely white as if they are made of limestone. They are that color, because Blue Footed Boobies, cormorants, terns, pelicans, seagulls, herons, and whatever other species have managed to survive the bottlenecking of life that is currently being waged on the planet. I read somewhere a while back that avian species are likely to decrease by 50% by 2050 on planet Earth. I wonder how that projection was created… I also wonder what will happen if so many birds are gone forever. Will there still be bird shit covered islands? I hope so. We live in such a strange time. How do I find joy in a time where grieving is hard to avoid?

Three young children are playing on the beach in front of my casita. (I rented it for $50. I feel like I got ripped off – this casita would not be found in Architectural Digest – but sometimes I don’t want to haggle.)

The innocence of children is a beautiful thing. I love my nieces. The three of them are adorable. They channel love in such a sincere way. I believe that is how I stay happy in this time that some people (who call themselves “scientific experts”) call the Anthropocene. They call it that because we are now impacting the Earth in such a dramatic scale that it warrants the label of an “epoch.” I think they are correct in doing so.

I hope our children are able to thrive on this planet, and reverse the destructive tendencies of the dominant cultures. I believe they will. I didn’t used to, but I now see the power in belief. Belief is the first and most important thing one needs in order to affect change in this realm. Without belief one is essentially doomed for failure.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to believe in oneself. But, we are all embodiments of the same matter. We are all manifestations of the same pervading essence – what I call [g]od. Thus, I believe, we all hold immeasurable potential. The key to success is belief, plus dedication of course. With those two components each person is capable of significant impact. We can heal ourselves and this beautiful planet, and in doing so the bird shit covered islands will hopefully be around for years to come.